It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
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fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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