speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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