Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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