U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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