yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it was like eating out sand paper
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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