Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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