but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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