All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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