your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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