before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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