K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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