i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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