I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize