Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I party with great urgency now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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