yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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