ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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