Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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