"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
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You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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