so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize