Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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