dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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