oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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