so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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