Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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