Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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