The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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