He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize