apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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