somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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