Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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