he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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