drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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