i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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