do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
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THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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