if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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