im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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