Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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