I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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