He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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