I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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