I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize