worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize