once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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