But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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