how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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