I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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