Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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