After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dicks are not precious.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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