I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize