haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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